Angel smiled softly to himself as if sharing a private thought.
“So I can’t die then?”
“Well… let’s just say, you can die, and will die, but death has many layers and dimensions to it.”
“But I thought you just said that my heart has that ‘special payment’?”
“Oh it totally does. That immediately tells me that you had a Spirit transplant. The previous spirit you had has died and been reprocessed, and the Spirit within you now will not die because it cannot die. It hasn’t fallen short of the true balance system, remains perfectly balanced and is… honestly… Perfect in every way. No matter what I do, that portion of you will live forever. If you came to me and said, ‘Angel, I’d like to order one spiritual death please.’ I’d have to say, ‘Sorry, no can do. Someone else paid for that service for you already. Your spiritual death already happened.’ By the way, this is the only time I can say ‘No’ to someone, and I love it! I love seeing that the Spirit within you is totally at Peace with itself and the world and is not suffering at all. Now, speaking of suffering, the other two jurisdictions of you, I could potentially help you with.”
“Jurisdictions?”
“Yes… we do have services where we can offer the Death of the Psyche and then we can offer the Death of the Physical. In those areas, I could ‘potentially’ help.”
“Why only ‘potentially’?”
“Well, it’s because of that ‘special payment’. That special payment was a contract with a couple of addendums and clauses between myself, Most High, his Son and my brother, Malek Chaim. We call him by his middle initial ‘V’ for short though.”
“You have a brother?”
“Oh yes… my older brother… same Father, but we couldn’t be more different. You’ve met him, I’m guessing. You had to have met him. You wouldn’t be talking with me if you hadn’t met him.” Angel looked at me, clearly flustered at his brother.
“Freakin’, V…”
“Seems like you two don’t like each other very much.” I chuckled.
“Oh…don’t get me wrong. I love my brother! I’d die (no pun intended) for him. But yeah. We have a ‘bit’ of a rivalry. It’s incredibly annoying that he’s always portrayed as the hero when clearly, you can see that people WANT to die! Just like they WANT there to be an ending to movie franchises, people are so freakin’ tired of ‘fighting for another day’. Truth is, I’m the kind and compassionate one. V is just cruel to make them keep going. At least that’s how I see it.”
I caught myself just smiling at Angel. He blushed. “Sorry for the rant. Little brothers don’t get to voice their opinion as often as they’d like.”
“Anyway,” he continued. “I digress. The point is, most people have already let their psyche die well before their physical death. Even if they have that ‘special payment’ mark. And they let their psyches and physical bodies die because they asked for my help. Because V is way too hard on them, like I tell him, ALL THE TIME. V doesn’t care. He moves on and keeps going… he never gives up on someone or something, even when you can clearly see that they’ve suffered way too long for their good.” Angel picked up a flat stone and skipped it across the pond, scattering the playful koi beneath.
As I stared at the disturbed water, I winced and grabbed the right side of my head as another bout of acid went down my eye. “You said people ‘let’ their psyches and physical bodies die?” I asked after the moment passed.
“Yep. Almost everyone does it. Mark or not. It’s psychologically nearly impossible to keep living forever, so why try? Doesn’t matter if you have 18 years or 80 years, almost everyone has a moment where they get so psychologically drained by life. So they just call me up and ask me to give them eternal rest. And because they have as much power, authority, and currency as a god, I can’t say no. Again, I hate seeing people suffer for no reason. Like you are right now.” He gestured to my head. I dropped my hand.
“Anyway, yes.” He continued. “The thing people get wrong about their short, finite and precious lives, is that it doesn’t matter how long or short their lives are. Ultimately, most people choose when they want to die. And they die well before their physical bodies give out.”
He shook his head and crossed his arms. “I mean most people follow the recipe their grandparents gave them: Go to school, get the job, get the spouse, get the house, get the kids, and the pets and the… and the… and the… but then somehow lose their reason to live anyway. So they call me. Like you did…”
He flashed a beautiful and confident smile. “And while I’m flattered that I’m more comforting than most other family members and the things they got, they know my services are expensive. So these people often choose to die by payment plan. Instead of pouring out 40-50 years all at once for me, they pay me daily to die. They pay me for every moment that distracts them from their reason for living and for every thought that reaffirms that rest is more attractive than suffering for their purpose. They’d rather pay me with their moments and thoughts than fix the issues around them. And let’s be honest, my services are so valuable because I offer the easier way out. V’s fitness plans are so hard. Too hard for the average person, right? I know this is something you’ve thought about a lot lately, isn’t it, Brittany?”
I continued to wade into the pool. I took a moment to attempt to observe my surroundings. Like they said. Be more mindful, right?
The water was calm and cool. A woman had just walked in with five other teenage girls. Four girls rushed into the indoor section of the pool. One girl stayed with the woman on the outdoor patio.
Alright… what was it that they said I should do? Right. Get the blood flowing. Right…
I dipped under the surface of the water and felt the full weight of it pull my locs back down as I came up for air.
I churned the water as I switched from freestyle strokes to back strokes to butterfly strokes back to freestyle. I didn’t care about my form. Didn’t care about how much water I was splashing. As fast as I could, I swam. From what? Or was it from who?
Four laps in, I was out of breath. I stopped and allowed my head to dip under the surface. Was all the air being sucked out of my lungs? Or did I give my air away?
Beyond my control…or was I in control?… I continued to sink.
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Just Brittany 